


no really KK, no one cares

by locutusthecat



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-12 01:01:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7914280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/locutusthecat/pseuds/locutusthecat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feferi has beaten the condesce and now reigns as the new empress!  Well, she'll begin her reign as soon as ascension happens.  Meanwhile, she recruits Sollux to invite everyone to a pre-ascension party/planning session.  But someone is getting a little bit pissy about this party...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Icey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icey/gifts).



twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: KK dont fliip your 2hiit about thii2 but feferii ii2 2ettiing up a meetiing for all of u2  
CG: A MEETING.  
TA: ye2 a meetiing  
CG: LIKE  
CG: IN PERSON.  
TA: no KK were goiing two be holdiing a 2hiitty bu2iine22 conference over 2hiitty viideocommuniicator2 wiith 2hiitty graiiny qualiity  
TA: there wiill be a mountaiin of techniical problem2 and ii wiill have two fiix them all liike the iit guy ii wa2 alway2 meant two be  
CG: I DON'T NEED YOUR SASS CAPTOR. I WILL NOPE THE FUCK OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION SO HARD THAT GL'BGOLYB WILL FEEL THE SHOCKWAVES AND QUAKE IN FEAR.  
CG: THEY WILL DUB IT THE VAST NOPE.  
TA: je2u2 fiine  
TA: anyway iim 2endiing you the coordiinate2  
TA: we 2hould all be there iin about three niight2 whiich leave2 u2 about a week before a2cen2iion  
CG: I'M NOT GOING  
TA: what why  
CG: FRANKLY I AM LESS THAN INTERESTED IN THE SLOPPY MAKEOUTS THAT ARE SURE TO HAPPEN ONCE EVEN HALF OF OUR GROUP GETS THERE.  
CG: BESIDES. I DON'T THINK FEFERI WILL REALLY CARE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER IF I'M THERE OR NOT.  
TA: what the fuck ii2 that 2uppo2ed two mean?!?  
TA: feferii told me two iinviite everyone and 2hocker  
TA: that iinclude2 you two KK  
CG: FEFERI AND I NEVER REALLY TALKED MUCH ANYWAY SO WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO HER?  
CG: SHE'S THE ONE DOING THE INVITING HERE.  
TA: iit matter2 becau2e thii2 ii2 the fiir2t tiime were all goiing two meet iin the fle2h and you thiink you can ju2t blow iit off?  
TA: liike ii miight be an a22hole but iim pretty 2ure there wiill be a few troll2 there you actually liike  
CG: ...  
TA: iif thii2 ii2 about that 2tupiid blood hangup of your2 iim goiing two fliip a 2hiit  
TA: ii2 iit really worth iit two mii22 out on 2eeiing your friiend2 becau2e youre afraiid they miight fiind out whatever 2hiitty blood color you have  
TA: new2fla2h kk  
TA: nobody care2!!  
TA: iin fact the empiire doe2nt even care anymore becau2e iif you 2omehow havent heard feferii ii2 the empre22 now and 2he doe2nt care iif youre a mutant  
TA: and neiither do we becau2e were your friiend2  
CG: ...  
CG: I JUST CAN'T COME ALRIGHT?  
CG: I UM... HAVE SOME STUFF TO TAKE CARE OF BEFORE ASCENSION.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

TA: ...iim comiing over

Karkat stared wide eyed at his computer screen and was definitely not freaking out. It’s not like a meeting he wanted to avoid was flying to his hive at psionic bullshit speed per hour. Nope. Not happening. Nuh uh. Karkat was going to close and lock all doors, windows, vents, and other assorted entrances. Nobody in or out. But first, he was just going to sit here staring at his computer screen for a bit.

In the midst of his trollian induced stupor, Crabdad decided that it would be the perfect time to start flipping his shit. So Karkat did the polite thing and yelled for his elderly lusus to shut the fuck up. Crabdad, of course, did not feel shutting up was the best course of action, and so proceeded to not shut the fuck up.

Karkat sighed while rolling his eyes and walked downstairs. Crabdad screamed.

Downstairs, Karkat was treated to the sight of his own lusus facing down an incredibly small and mostly-probably incredibly harmless lusus. It would have looked kind of like a cross between a dragonfly and a snapping turtle, if Karkat had known what either of those were. The Snapdragonmom cowered in the corner and Crabdad continued to scream.

Karkat was really not sure how this lusus had gotten into his hive, but he figured there was no use in letting the thing suffer any more. He guessed he'd have to cull it.

Karkat grabbed a pitcher from a cabinet and one of those manila folders, then began to edge between Crabdad and the other lusus. Just like any bug, Snapdragonmom was powerless against a cup and a strong sheet of paper-like material.

Wait just a darned minute here. Are you saying you thought Karkat was going to kill poor, sweet, dear, precious Snapdragonmom? Really, that's just dissapointing. How long have you known Feferi Peixes, our new Empress, long may she reign? Can you really forget her rant on the redefinition of culling after hearing it for the umpteenth time? Shame on you. Also, good luck with reeducation because you are going to need it if your skull is that thick. Really. Even Karkat can grasp this.

Unfortunately, Karkat cannot seem to grasp that bug in his pitcher (why, yes. Yes that transition was a bit of a stretch. Shut up.). Antics ensued, leading Karkat, Snapdragonmom, and Crabdad (much to both Karat's and Snapdragonmom's dismay) all throughout the lower part of the hive, possibly in a Scooby Doo like montage.

If it was such a montage, it ended with Snapdragonmom cornered, Karkat slowly closing in and Crabdad bringing up the rear, surprisingly not screaming.

But of course a Crabdad is wont to scream, and so he started shrieking again almost immediately. 

This startled Snapdragonmom so badly that she decided to bite whatever was closest, which was Karkat's hand, and then fly out a slightly ajar window.

The newly found blood welling up from Karkat's hand startled _him_ so badly that he went briefly into his second stupor of the night, then started hyperventilating. Noticing his charge's panic, Crabdad leaped into action by screeching a high note he had not been able to reach in years as his aging vocal chords slowly lost some of their range. Karkat flinched in pain at the sound meetings his ears, then made his way upstairs to get some bandages.

Karkat bandaged his hand and had just barely finished when he heard knocking on an upstairs window. He did not answer it. But then he heard something far more disturbing than knocking: a slightly ajar window downstairs being further opened further ajar by a nosy asshole.


	2. Chapter 2

Sollux opened the conveniently ajar window. He was afraid he might have to blow a hole in the wall to get Karkat out. Karkat was coming out eventually, before ascension, and with or without his approval.

Sollux floated himself through the window and was greeted by the screeching of an overprotective crab lusus and also a thud upstairs that may or may not have been a door slamming shut. Sollux attempted to maneuver around Crabdad to get upstairs, but surprisingly lusii don't really like it when a strange troll shows up in their kid's hive. Surprising, huh. Well that's ok, because Sollux has psionics and Crabdad can suck it.

Continuing upstairs despite shrieks of anger and protective fear, Sollux comes across an ablution block, door open, antiseptic on the load gaper, and bandages partially unravelled across the floor. There's a spot of grubsauce, maybe(?) on the floor. Ew KK, that's nasty.

At the end of the hallway, there is a door. The door is shut and locked, but past the door, Sollux is sure he will find an angry dweeb just waiting to rant at him. Sollux simply takes the door off its hinges via more psionic bullshit, settling it down against a wall where it will wait until it is destroyed along with the rest of the hive after ascension.

"KK, I know you're in here," Sollux said. "You can spew verbal shit at me all you want, but you can't just miss out on all the sloppy interhemocaste makeouts."

Sollux paused for a few seconds and continued, "I know you're not sold on the orgy, but someones gotta play the reluctant one who only agrees on the terms that he gets to watch, but is inextricably, however not unwillingly, pulled into the orgy himself. And it sure as hell won't be me because I am not at all unwilling.

"OK, you caught me, that's not really a porn trope, but when there's twelve of us and we all want to be special snowflakes, then we need as many tropes as we can get." Sollux paused for a minute, hoping for a response. "Really KK, not even a hello?" Sollux walked around the room to Karkat's desk. Karkat's computer still had trollian up and Sollux's messages displayed, so Karkat had to have known he was coming. Sollux didn't think Karkat hated him so much that he would want to avoid him. Karkat didn't even block him on trollian. OK, well he did, but blocking doesn't really mean much to someone like Sollux, and Karkat knew that by now. Did something happen?

No, it turns out that Karkat was just fine, because right at that moment Sollux heard wheezing underneath the desk, which he discovered was, in fact, where Karkat had been all along. OK, cool. Sollux's fleeting concern went as quickly as it came, blown out into the whogivesafuck desert. And taking that concern's place, anger stormed in.

"What the fuck, KK?" Sollux demanded. Karkat flinched, but seemed to gather courage from Sollux's anger, as if pure rage was the life force that fed his very being. 

"I don't know why you're the one asking 'what the fuck' because it seems to me that you are the one in the process of breaking into my hive to fucking kidnap me. But no, of course I'm a terrible host. Would you like some juice and cookies Mister Captor? Or should I lay out a nice cheese plate."

“You know what, no. No I don’t want a cheese plate. I want to leave as soon as possible, with you, so that I can enjoy my time before ascension with my FRIENDS. Apparently you don’t fit into the friend category because you decide to cower beneath a desk instead of saying so much as a hello. I thought I knew you well enough to deserve a rant to my face explaining exactly what a nooksucker I was for trying to make you go to a meetup you didn’t want to go to. Or, I don’t know, you could give me an actual reason for not coming. Because ‘needing to take care of something’ is such a cop out. Maybe it’s actually me you’re trying to avoid and you would happily skip into the sunset with everyone else? Because you have been so evasive-”

At that point Karkat made the jump from slightly freaked out into full on hyperventilation. In a rare moment of clarity, Solux realized shit, he’s really fucked up about this.

A moment passed where Sollux considered his options. All of them were shit.

Karkat continued to hyperventilate and attempted to shrink further into the wall behind him as Sollux crouched and laid a hand on Karkat’s cheek.

“Shooooooooosh.”

Karkat blinked at him as Sollux continued to both shoosh and pap. “Did- are you shooshing me?” Karkat asked.

“Well someone’s gotta, and I don’t exactly see any other volunteers stepping up around here. So shoosh.” Sollux thought that maybe Karkat would pull away then, but instead felt Karkat lean into his touch.

A few moments more passed, and Karkat crawled out from his cowering spot to sit at Sollux’s side. Sollux surprised himself by continuing to pap, even though Karkat was probably past his panic. Karkat was now breathing fairly steadily now, so Sollux slowly pulled his hand away.

As soon as contact ended, Sollux looked down, and Karkat looked anywhere but Sollux.

“Listen,” Sollux said after a few moments of awkward silence, “I still think you should come, and obviously I can make you, but will you at least tell me why you’re being such a prick about this?”

“Ugh, fine.” Karkat looked at his bandaged hand and made to unwrap it.

“What the fuck happened to your hand!” Sollux grabbed Karkat’s hand. “No, better question, what happened to your bandage, because even I could do a better wrapping job than this.”

“Fuck you Sollux. It’s really hard to wrap well with only one hand and your teeth.”

“Ew. Is that why it’s wet? I’m helping you rebandage this and then we’re leaving.”

“... Fine.”

Sollux walked the short distance to the ablution block and back, now armed with the bandages he had seen on the floor earlier.

Sollux now began unwrapping Karkat’s hand, but had to pause halfway through.

“Is this… Is this maroon?” Sollux asked. Karkat sighed and rolled his eyes, but gave no other answer, so Sollux continued his ministrations. Karkat closed his eyes and mentally braced himself.

“OK, that’s not maroon. You know, in retrospect a lot of your shitty habits and paranoia make sense now, so that’s something.”

Karkat waited for Sollux to say something more, but all that came was the sting of antiseptic. Sollux looked back at Karkat and raised a single snide eyebrow, then reached for the gauze.

“My blood is fucking bright ass red and that’s all you’re going to say?”

“KK, I lost my single fuck long ago on a life changing journey to some shitty shaman or something. I don’t have any more fucks to give about your shitty place on the hemospectrum or anyone else’s.”

“But that’s the point! I’m not even on the hemospectrum! I’m a mutant freak wh-,” Sollux cut off the incoming panic attack with a well timed pap, and continued wrapping. Soon enough, he was done. Time to get back to business.

“Ok, so now that that’s over with, will you come meet with everyone now?” Sollux asked. “I can guarantee you that nobody’s going to care past like a ‘well that’s interesting, time to go back to freaking out about my own life now. Because, you know, ascension is coming and Feferi will be ruling and nobody has any idea what’s happening.’”

“Fine. I will come on the condition that you tell me what the fuck happened not even an hour ago.”

Sollux looked sideways at Karkat and said, “you freaked out and hid under a desk?”

“No. I mean, what happened with the obviously pale advances after I hid under the desk.”

“I think you are misunderstanding that that was obviously entirely platonic and necessary otherwise you would have passed out from lack of air.”

“You both papped and shooshed me. Not pale my ass,” Karkat whinged.

Karkat continued, “You realize that you didn’t use psionics the entire time you were bandaging me. Like, wound care is already pretty pale, and you had the option to not touch me at all. But you did. That’s pretty pale dude.”

“Well shit, I guess it was,” Sollux replied.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to being moirails.”

“Oh.”

“Or you could just ignore the puke spilling out of my mouth. Leave that for janeterritorialists to clean up. Someone will put up a sign, ‘Warning: feels, use caution’ and everyone will have to skirt around the edges because who wants to touch puke?”

“I think I wouldn’t either.”

“Well, duh, nobody wants to touch puke. Well someone probably does. That’s disgusting. I am definitely kink shaming.”

“Be opposed to being moirails, I mean. I wouldn’t.”

“Oh. Cool.” 

“Yeah, Cool.”

“So, we’re moirails then.”

“Um. I guess. Look, can- can we just leave ‘cuz I promised Feferi I would be there early.”

“WOW. You really do need a moirail. It’s almost day out there and you’re ready to just up and leave. Fuck no. I am staying here until tonight and you are staying with me.”

Sollux would never admit that he completely forgot what time it was, but agreed to stay the day. After a lengthy debate on who would use the recuperacoon, they both ended up sleeping on the floor. If they ended up cuddling mid-day, well, that’s between moirails.


End file.
